Sad and tired

I'm having a really hard time right now. With everything. 

I'm not even sure what's bothering me the most. All I know is that a heaviness has settled on me, and I can't seem to wriggle out from under it.

Part of it is definitely work, and total exhaustion after trying to squeeze work in between all the many unusual things we've had going on since Christmas. Writing isn't the kind of work that can just be done any time. So many things have to be right, including focus and mood, and moreso than that, I have to have time. 

I've been trying to push through these last few days and finish a big project, and so far I haven't succeeded, despite throwing everything I have at it. I'm just exhausted, irritated, worried. I need to finish this project. I really freaking need to, and I also really need a BREAK. 

Ugh! I don't understand why God keeps throwing all this at me. I'm TIRED, and I'm not a superhero! Here's what it's been like since December: Weekend of the 18th - Christmas w/ my mom's family, out of town; 21st - Headed to hubby's family's Christmas, several states away; 27th - Ev's eye shows its first signs of infection/redness/whatever as we head from TN to LA for the birth of my sister's first child; January 18 - work conference - ulcer appears; February 7 - We are in crisis mode w/ Ev's eye - commence traveling 2.5 hours away every other day to check on ulcer; somewhere around the 25th - second opinion in Philly - can you say road trip w/ a toddler?; first week of February (I think??) - mass confusion over what to do w/ eye - no work is being done; last week - finally settle on a plan for eye. 

The funny thing is, I think I just totally botched the timeline above. I'm so crazy I hardly know what month it is! I don't know when what happened ~ ARGH. This is what's wrong with my life right now.

Even typing that out makes me feel so stressed I don't even want to keep blogging.

The chemical pregnancy is really weighing heavy on my heart. I think it's also messed up my hormones some, because I've been sad every night for the last few nights.

I'm still stressed Ev's eye won't heal and he'll end up having to have it sewn shut. Stressed that if we go to Boston it will be a bad experience w/ Ev being the age he is. 

We've recently realized Ev seems behind in speech, and that's pretty upsetting since hubs and I are both very language-oriented, fairly articulate (believe it or not), writers, etc.

Have moved Ev's ear surgery up to this summer, b/c we're doing a smaller surgery w/ less anesthesia, which requires less than 2 hours under, total, and very light anesthesia, thereby enabling us to put the 'big' surgery for his ear off until about age 6. This one will mostly get the ear off Ev's face, so he doesn't get teased too much in the meantime.

Need to buy a house before August. 

Worried about getting preggo the second time and not having a problem (chemical pregnancy, GHS, etc).

Really need to finish work project!!! 

I was going to say more but computer is dying. Yeah- this is where I am right now.

Just sad and tired. :(